By 2mara | September 27, 2006 - 5:15 pm - Posted in life

I wanted to repost this submission for The Blue Doodle that I did a while back… it will have some significance later this week… so bare with me

 

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Beautiful People

 

Every time I turn on the TV or pick up a magazine, there they are… beautiful people.  Smiling and happy or melancholy and posing, I just can’t seem to get away from them.  My whole life I have been disappointed for not looking like these people.  I have never had the perfect body, hair, or smile.  I have never stopped people in their tracks and made them wonder who I was.  I longed to be stunning, like the beautiful people on those pages.

 

Today, almost anyone can be beautiful… that is if you’re willing to hand over the big bucks.  I could have my imperfect body nipped, tucked, sucked, and stuffed, all I want.  I could have my hair extended, colored, curled, crimped, or straightened.  I can have my smile bleached, braced, or capped. The sky is the limit as long as my pocketbook is bottomless.

 

SO… what if everyone has access to this money to buy the perfect body? Thinking this is a great idea, they all fork over the big bucks to be sculpted into someone elses idea of perfection.  Sooner or later they all begin to look the same… all copies of the same photograph… all beautiful.  Sooner or later we would tire of them… stop looking.  We would search for something unique… something that stands out.  Beautiful would be redefined. 

 

The new beautiful would consist of imperfections… that scar or those freckles that once embarrassed us.  That crooked grin or curvy figure will steal the gazes of onlookers.  We might be surprised about how we look past the aesthetic aspect of the human persona, and maybe judge them for their intellectual makeup… that’s crazy.  I know.

 

I still long to be beautiful, but I dont think I will try to alter what I have been blessed with.  My imperfections may send you packing, but when the times change… and everyone has melted into the same old Polaroid… I’ll be here with all my imperfections.  I’ll be what I should have been all along… myself.

 

~2

By 2mara | September 25, 2006 - 5:07 pm - Posted in writing/poetry

Yeah this is a repost… it’s an oldie but goodie… When I woke up on this lovely Monday morning… my inbox was full and I thought of this post.  So I had to share it with you… cause I luuuurrrrrrve you!
~2

It’s Friday night, and of course, I am at home… going over my multiple email accounts - looking for something to do.  My online friends apparently have a life and I am sitting here wondering how many boards of mah jong I have to play to actually scramble my brain enough that it will drip out of my nose. 

SO, most of my email is forwarded crap from an old friend.. I don’t even bother to read it.  It’s all the same… something something angel… something something friendship… if you do this you will have good luck in something something… bleah.  The rest have something to do with my penis.

WOW!!! Now that is some mail.  I wasn’t even aware I had one.  I mean I have been down there many a time (more frequently some days) and never have I felt ANYTHING that resembled a penis… well at least attached to my body.  So, I’m intrigued, why is my penis such a concern?  Apparently not only is my penis lacking in size, but I have a stamina issue.  It’s depressing… this damn thing… and mine is apparently broken.

SO, I think I am going to order me some of whatever they are selling - because I want the best penis on the block DAMMIT!!  I want to be able to whip it out and people applaud. I want to walk down the street and bitch-slap those power walkers with it… or even better… stick it in the spokes of those little bastards that keep riding their bikes through my yard.  I want to walk down town with my head held high… both of them… proud to know my penis is the best penis it can be.I’ll show you mine if you show me yours ;-)
~2

By 2mara | - 5:05 pm - Posted in writing/poetry

I smile as she covers me with sugar coated kisses

Love glazed with only the sweetness that she possesses

My heart belongs to her… she will one day own this world

I hope she thinks of me while she makes those big decisions

I hope she thinks of me when she feels alone and needs advice

I hope I can return the favor of warming her heart when she needs it the most

For right now, she is the sparkle in my eye, the dimple in my cheek, and the glow that radiates from my very being

My Lovely Brynn

 

 ~2

By 2mara | September 24, 2006 - 5:10 pm - Posted in writing/poetry

SO yeah I am moving and had lots on my mind before I left.. so I slacked on the last few draws.  I am working on them… give me a break.  If you haven’t had a chance to write either… please do.  My addition is on the bottom… please read it and tell me what you think.

Lots of Love
~2

Last night I blogged about my Moon Wishes tonight I want to share a photo with you that DH sent me…

Sweet Dreams

Would you be offended If I told you I worshipped your celestial body?
Your heavenly form
I dream your every shadow in the night
highlighting your best features
showcasing your exquisite silhouette

Closed eyes
I envision you
innocently sleeping
naked
undisturbed

Reaching out to touch perfection
my chilled hand bringing goose bumps to your flesh
never waking
only rolling to your side
to pursue uncharted dreamlands
wielding a warrior’s blade

To watch you sleep
loving you with all that I am
… is all I need.
~2

By 2mara | September 23, 2006 - 5:08 pm - Posted in dreams

I am going to put the moving story on hold until a little later.  I want to share something with you that I find somewhat interesting. 

You know I am a dreamer, we’ve talked about that before, but I also have a tendancy to hold on to the things I dream of, and look for other meanings.  Sometimes they are downright strange, but I am sure there is a reason I thought of them. Right before I awoke this morning a name flashed right before my eyes.  Who knows where it came from… but I thought I would check today’s news to see if there was anything about this given name… nothing. So I went back to my first plan… google it baby!

Dan Rice

I don’t know anyone with this name… if you do you need to tell me about him, but I looked it up online and found something I really thought was awesome.  OK.. it’s kinda weird, but I am inspired by it anyway.

I am going to copy and past it here I got this from http://www.clown-ministry.com/History/Dan-Rice.html

Dan Rice (1823-1901) - President Lincoln’s Court Jester

Yankee Dan Rice - President Lincoln's Court Jester - inducted into the 1991 clown hall of fame

Inducted into the 1991 Clown Hall of Fame

The American Grimaldi - Dan Rice was the first truly great American clown, as well as the first clown star of the circus. Dan Rice was born in New York City in 1823. Dan Rice’s first appearance as a circus clown was in Galena, Illinois, in 1844 at $15 a week. Gradually his popularity as a wisecracking, aphoristic, cracker-barrel philosopher, a forerunner of Will Rogers, became so great that he was able to buy his own shows, both wagon and riverboat. By 1862 he was earning $1,000.00 a week, twice as much as President Lincoln. He and President Lincoln were good friends, as were Dan and Jefferson Davis. He was called the President’s court jester. He was well-known for his Shakespearean quips, as well as for a biting tongue. A philanthropist he gave generously to many charities and erected the first monument to soldiers killed during the Civil War.

Dan Rice was an accomplished animal trainer. He specialized in pigs and mules, which he trained and sold to other clowns. He also presented an act with a trained rhinoceros and is the only person in circus history to present a tightrope walking elephant.

Yankee Dan Rice, looking as he performed during the Civil WarA composer, he created many popular topical songs. He campaigned for Zachary Taylor for President. One of the things he would do was invite Taylor to ride on the circus bandwagon in the circus parades. Local politicians would clamor to ride as well hoping his popularity would benefit them. People would comment, “Look who’s on Taylor’s bandwagon,” inspiring the phrase “jump on the bandwagon.”

His untraditional costume consisted of red, white, and blue-striped tights, a star-spangled cloak, a top hat and chin whiskers, the regalia that would later be associated with “Uncle Sam.” Today, he is arguably best-known as the political cartoonist Thomas Nast’s model for Uncle Sam. Rice’s style as clown was based on that of William Wallet, who was an English “Shakespearean” clown who could respond to comments from the spectators with appropriate quotes from the Bard. Throughout the Civil War, Rice prospered and became a figure of national prominence. He was active for politics, besides serving as a political commentator; he ran for office in 1864, and ran for President in 1868.

You might want to read Dan Rice: The Most Famous Man You’ve Never Heard Of , a new biography on the life, times and impact of Dan Rice.

Bibliography

  • Creative Clowning by Bruce Fife, Tony Blanco, Steve Kissell, Bruce Johnson, Ralph Dewey, Hal Diamond, Jack Wiley, Gene Lee (or order it from Amazon UK or order it used from
By 2mara | September 21, 2006 - 5:09 pm - Posted in life

****Sorry… this is a long one, but you’ve got to read it… especially if you are thinking about moving anytime soon****

So we made it to Phoenix… I am sure you are all aware.  I want to fill you in on the HORROR that I like to call relocating to another state.  SO here is Part One… The Movers

Everytime I have ever moved, I have packed my own crap and loaded it all up onto a uhaul and drove to my happily awaited destination.  It’s no walk in the park, but it’s pretty straight forward, and any problems were my own damn fault… I couldn’t blame anyone for my packing techniques or lack thereof.

Since this move was due to a promotion for DH (Dear Husband for those unaware), his company was footing the bill… so why the hell not call someone to move our crap for us… I of courese would packup the small stuff, I had nothing better to do anyway - except maybe blog on myspace.  Besides, packing would give me something to complain about - and we all know women aren’t happy unless they have something to complain about.

So weeks before the big move, I had contacted a moving company and they were going to come and give us an estimate.  The day DUDE was suppose to be here he called to get directions to my house.
“Are you familiar with the Elk City area?” I ask.

“You’re in Elk City?” DUDE questioned, “I was told you lived in Duncan.”

“Nope, Elk City.” I reaffirmed.

“Well crap, I will call you when I get back to my office and see if we can put together an estimate over the phone.” I told him that was fine… against DH’s wishes for a walk through.

When he finally called me and asked me what all was going I went through the inventory.  He asked me about my TV and I told him that we had one of those expensive flat screens (maybe I failed to mention plasma… but I have no clue about this shit)… and my table is heavy, metal (rock on!) with a glass top… he said “Oh”.. .that was it, and gave me my estimate, etc.  I told him I would talk it over with you know who, and get back with him.

I talk to DH, and he says he still wants a walk through, but to go ahead and schedule pick-up etc.  SO… I call the company back and say we’d like to move the week of the 11th, and that I still want a walk through, etc.  He said he would probably be out around Thursday (which was the end of the week) and he would let me know, but get the paperwork sent out to me.

Thursday gets here… no DUDE, but I assume (yeah, I know) everything is fine and in good standing.  I get a call from the company that says the movers will be out on the 11th and they are set to delivery on the 18th.  WOAH!  Where is my shit going for a whole week?  Is this right?  Well I don’t know how it works, apparently the driver takes several loads at once, and it takes time, you know.  So we make arrangements to stay at the hotel across the street from DH’s work downtown for the end of the week/first of the next. We decide that we will take our time driving both vehicles with BOTH kids to Phoenix and we will leave maybe on Wednesday and get there Thursday evening.

Saturday I get a call from the company that says the movers will be here Monday afternoon.  The have a load to pick up in Tulsa and would be in the areas sometime after lunch.  I knew better, being Tulsa is a good 4 hour drive from Elk City.  I decided to make Monday kiddo #1’s last day of school that way he wouldn’t be in the way while the movers were there.  He has the tendancy to talk to anyone about anything, ask the lamest of questions, and give out more information than is neccessary.  He is the king of TMI.

So, Monday comes and drags on.  I have been fighting with kiddo #2 to stay off boxes, and out of everything, all morning.  She is relentless.  My mother was out of town and to return sometime that evening, and I was praying (not the norm) that she would get home early. I go and get the other kiddo out of school and take him back to the house… where I have to fight him to keep him off of boxes and out of everything… bleah

4 o’clock and the movers arrive…

Wait a minute… I can’t take that TV or your table top. WTF?  And… apparently he has very little room on his truck.  The company was suppose to send someone out to crate our Television, and he didn’t want to be liable for it.  He’s not going to take my Vintage King Kong poster either, and he was told we had about 5,000 pounds and he was sure we had close to 9,000, and he won’t be able to get it all on his truck.

DH is in a rage, and I am just sitting in disblief.  He immediately gets on the horn to the moving company.  DUDE tells him I never told him we had a plasma TV and the table, blah blah blah… They are yelling at each other, and I am like.. just forget it… Let just rent a uhaul and load it up.  DH says there is no way we can move that furniture ourselves into a 3rd level apartment. He’s right… and I don’t say that often. 

Meanwhile, the movers are trying to make a second level in the big truck parked in front of my little house to try to get our shit in it.

I think this is when I blacked out… if I did, cause I really don’t remember what happened, but they worked it out where someone was going to come and crate up our TV, and part of our stuff was going to be put on a second truck and taken to the warehouse until it could be put on a driver’s truck who happened to be coming out our way.  I am still in disblief, and totally pissed at DUDE for calling me a liar, etc. Oh yeah, by the way, both kiddos are completely restless, and getting hungrier by the minute.  Both vehicles are trapped in my driveway by this BIG ASS truck, and I think I even saw one of my neighbors flip me the bird.

FINALLY… my mother gets home and comes and relieves me of my rabid children.  The weirdo that came to crate my tv shows up about 10pm… and he is cutting 2×4s in my front yard, usuing the bottom of one of my reclyners as a saw horse.  It’s a good thing we wouldn’t be there much longer, because his sawing and hammering at 11:00 wasn’t winning us “The Best Neighbor of the Year” award… neither was the running 18 wheeler on my narrow street.

SO… crate guy loads the rest of our crap onto his truck… which is going to the warehouse… which we may never see again… bleah.  He has my table, King Kong, book case, bikes, trikes, and some other stuff… I don’t think we will ever see it again.

Midnight… they are gone, and we are headed to my mother’s… Both tired and sore… totally worn out - exhausted.

After baths and toothbrushing, we were ready to retire.  As I lay there in my mother’s bed, which she gave up for us to sleep in, I about how shitty the day was and rambled on to DH, “Today has to have been my worst day ever.”

“Yeah, I never want to do that again, I knew we should have had them come out first.”

“Well… we will know better next time… I never want to do this again though, but I can honestly say it can’t get worse than this… so we’re going to be ok.”  I laughed

“They still have to deliver our stuff.” he says.

SHIT…

This is getting waaaay too long… I am going to break it down into several parts and try to post them for you…

~2

By 2mara | September 17, 2006 - 5:10 pm - Posted in family

I originally wrote this for the Blue Doodle, when I first started writing over there.  I want to share it here because I have new readers who don’t read the doodle (you really should www.thebluedoodle.com), and I am strapped for time because of this move.  I am still in  the hotel and our stuff should arrive at the apartment tomorrow — hopefully in one piece.  My kids are driving me nuts, thankfully #1 starts school tomorrow.  I am starting to miss home a little, and if you have the number… call me.  I am not changing the old cell number just yet.

ANYway… here it is, I will try to get something new out next week… if we have our internet that is

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When I think of veterans, my ex-step dad comes to mind.  Ex, yes, now removed.  My poor mother will never be happy – she takes OCD to a whole other level.  I have decided, and actually told her at one time, she is destine to be alone and miserable… yeah I think that wasn’t my finest moment.

 

ANYway, my ex-step dad was this incredibly awesome person.  He always did things for me and my sister, like help coach our softball teams, take us fishing, and was very active in our school, etc.  He did, however, have a way of freaking all my friends out by showing off his war wound.

 

He was honorably discharged from service after being shot in the Vietnam War.  The bullet had pierced his abdomen and exited out his back, leaving him with this hole that looked like someone just dug out flesh with a spoon.  Unlike most draft dodgers during that time, he willingly went off to war; he wasn’t even of age – had his folks sign the necessary paperwork to ship him off, because he couldn’t wait to protect and serve.

 

I can only imagine what it’s like from his stories and the many movies I have scene.  War changes you.  I don’t think he was diagnosed, but I am sure he had post traumatic stress.  You couldn’t touch him while he was sleeping, or try to tap him to wake him up, or you would likely lose your head… he would wake up swinging, ready for the fight… very sad, but humorous to a young teenager.  I think I perfected the art of tap and run… just to catch a glimpse of the man in the act of self defense.  Yeah, I am probably going to go to hell for that… one of the many things on my list of BAD things.

 

Even though he had been to

Vietnam, he was still more laid back than my mom.  He caught me ditching school at the lake one nice April afternoon.  He was conveniently fishing close to where we were semi-naked cliff diving.  Yeah we weren’t too smart… all stoned out of our gourds and drinking wine (we were young and would drink prune juice if we thought we’d get a buzz).  I saw his truck on the horizon and made a mad dash to my friend’s car… dove into the front seat and laid there, eyes closed… like it made me invisible.  I heard him stop… questioning all of my friends.  Eyes closed I lay there in the seat, practically holding my breath. I hear footsteps and then the tapping of glass… I gather my composure and glance up.  There he stood, with a very irritated look on his face and he gave me the finger.  Not the one you’re thinking… the “come here, I’m not EVEN going to say anything” finger. GULP.  I get out of the car and follow him over to the truck and he said few words — told me he was disappointed in me, but he didn’t make me leave.  I’ll be damned if I went back to school… no way.  I think we spent the rest of the day BAH-HAWING in my friend Aaron’s Datsun.  The awesome thing… he never told my mom.

 

I did get in trouble though.  My mother found a check I wrote to Pizza Hut for eighty bucks that day.  Yeah, I know, not too smart.  She ratted me out to the principal of my school and I got in-house suspension.  Thanks MOM!

 

Even though my mother and he divorced right after I graduated high school, I still see him.  He takes Gabe golfing, and even lets him drive the cart; he brings gifts at Christmas and birthdays for the kids; he calls from time to time to see how everyone is; and I even talked him into coaching our Coed softball team a couple of years.  War may make men tough, but I think it gave him an appreciation for things that we tend to take for granted.  I love my mother dearly, but she never took an interest in what we did as kids, he seemed to genuinely appreciate the time he spent with us, making the most of it.  My mother may have removed him from our family, but my sister and I… we kept him.

~2

By 2mara | September 7, 2006 - 5:13 pm - Posted in writing/poetry

I know it sounds ridiculous, and believe me I thought about not mentioning it… but tonight I wished on the moon.

Really, who does this?  You know so many people that wish on stars, or that lengthy eyelash… or even those who try their luck with fortune cookies… but really, the moon?

I am not sure why I did it.  I am at a point in my life it only makes sense to make wishes.  My head is so full of dreams that I cannot seem to make a reality, but those dreams carry me on from day to day.  I wished on the moon for the simple reason it stole my breath this evening.  It was so remarkably beautiful, I couldn’t help but wish on it. I’ve been doing this alot… sometimes I wish on people.  I wished on this old lady today.  She had her hair freshly done from the salon, no doubt — I knew she would be a good choice for wishing.  As I sat in line at the school, waiting for my son to get out… I wished on this dented SUV.  It was a lovely blue, and it had a darwin fish on it… and I KNEW I should wish on that one.

I am just a dreamer, when I saw that moon tonight, I wanted to share it with the world.  I wanted you all to look through my eyes at that exact moment and see exactly why I thought it was beautiful.  I wanted you to think all the random thoughts that floated in my head, and I wanted you to feel the deepest wishes in my heart.  I wanted you to know, that tonight I made a wish for you… to wish too.

~2