I have been in a bit of a funk lately… so uninspired.  Anyone who knows me, knows that writing is my passion, yet I have been unable to think of anything worthwhile to write.  Sure I wrote of my death, and I was pleasantly surprised that I didn’t lose a single reader.  I am guessing that they were all out of town over the weekend, and will drop my ass first thing this morning.

SO… uninspired, I turned to my trusty friend, my bathtub… up at 4 am… bleah.

Ok, ok… ANYway, I am in the tub thinking, as usual, and I can’t help but notice all my freckles.  The more sun I get, the more spots my body is littered with.  Apparently I don’t tan, my freckles just get bigger and closer together, giving the illusion of a tan.  Oh well, right… they are cute.  I have always loved freckles on other people, I have always had crushes on the boys with them, and always envied the girls with faces entirely covered in them. Weird,I know… but I can’t help it I am a weirdo.

Where was I, oh yeah, I am in the tub, soaking… thinking… looking for inspiration, and all I can think about is how many of these damn freckles I have on my chest and stomach.  Do I have more than I did yesterday?  Where did they come from?  What’s the deal here? 

I let the water out of the tub and just lay there. I always get it too hot, and if I stand up too fast I get really light headed and have to lay down, so I just stayed in the tub and let the water drain. As I am laying there cooling off, I notice a pen on the floor, and I quickly grab it up, and toss the lid.

Looking at my chest I quickly begin to connect the dots… one freckle to the next… interweaving the lines, running the ink down my stomach and across my breasts, not worrying about crossing lines or if they are completely straight or not.  Ink onto my shoulders and down my arm… across my theighs on to my feet… until I am a woven mess of brilliant blue.

What is wrong with me?  What have I done?  I look into the hugeASS mirror above my bathroom sink, and I am in awe.  What a beautiful mess I am!  A walking work of art!

I can make out many pictures… faces of people I have yet to meet, scenes of movies I have always loved… first kisses, new babies, chocolate bars, soft and fuzzy bunnies… ok I made that part up.  Really I could see anything if I looked long enough.

Strangely that stuff has always been there…. hidden inside, there is a beautiful work of art… I can feel it, and I so want to show you, but I am afraid that you will laugh, and only see a weirdo covered in blue ink… vulnerable… naked.

I hopped in the shower and undid the masterpiece… my heart hurts, I am hoping that I didn’t wash it all away.. and my soul is forever ink stained.

~2

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***The draw requested we write of our death*** 

I wanted to post this in a blog of it’s own… mainly because I wanted my submission to stand apart from the normal draw.  I also want to make sure that you, the reader, are aware that this is entirely fiction.  I am alive, and my vision of my death is mere imagination.  This interpretation would never be considered reality for many reason.  I will explain myself as questions arise… so let’s get startedMy DeathI have imagined my death over and over.  I see it every time I open the front door of my apartment,  every time I am behind the wheel of my car, and even while walking up a flight of stairs or riding in an elevator.  Every waking moment death stalks me.  We will all eventually die, and to some the fear of this consumes them.Why be afraid?  Why not welcome it?  I shall choose my moment of death, and it will be divine.This death I write of is a woman, like me, in her 30’s, but she has no children to worry about… she has no husband to consume her extra time.  She is alone with a busy mind, and has thought out this moment for months.

The days are shorter now and a slight chill 
whispers a change in seasons. 
A long day at work and long wait in traffic to get home
has her nerves on end.  
Open the door and a jingle of the keys
as they are discarded into the bowl on the ledge….
purse on the kitchen counter…
jacket on the rack in the hall. 
Heavy shoulders and head
pour a glass of wine
throw back a couple of scripts
Shoes beside the couch and socks thrown
in a laundry basket at the end of the hall. 
Eloquent oriental rug kissing the bottom of her bare feet,
she collapses on the oversized sofa
and flips channels with her remote control…
stopping on a music channel charming her ears
with tunes from the big band era.
Gathering the courage to check her messages,
she presses play and heads down the hall to run a bath.
blah blah blah says the messages on the machine,
and water looks so inviting and warm
Sitting on the toilet staring at the running water…
sipping the almost empty glass of wine… reminiscing.
A trip down the hall, through the living room
into the kitchen to refill her glass…
her head is light and
the bricks are beginning to fall from her shoulders.
The music is so lovely and she dances
through the living room,
spinning feeling light and airy… feeling beautiful.
oh shit!  The water…
she runs into the room and quickly turns the water off. 
Although it has run over the sides of the tub
and all over the floor… who cares.
She laughs… what a mess.
She catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror…
wow… prettier than usual… taller, almost dreamy.
She slips her delicate sweater over her head and
eyeballs the water.
Emptying the wine glass,
she gently sets it on the side of the sink,
and carefully slides her pants off and steps out of them.
Still in panties and bra, she steps into the hot bath and sighs. 
As she slips down into the tub,
water pours onto the bathroom floor.
Eyes closed she takes in a few deep breaths
and dreams of “good times”.
Moments pass… feels like an eternity,
and she fumbles for the vanity drawer beneath the sink. 
Wrapped in leather an old barber’s blade is revealed. 
She takes it lovingly into her right hand
and extends the blade with her left. 
Admiring her reflection in the blade,
she spends another moment in her thoughts
then returns to her original plan. 
With blade in hand, she sets up. 
Aligns the beautiful stainless steel
with the middle of her forearm
and drags it toward her wrist slowly. 
A thick rich red begins to flow
and she tosses the blade on the floor,
throwing her right arm behind her head
she sinks back into the tub
and watches her water change color…
it’s still warm and comforting,
and she feels sleepy. 
Gently closing her eyes,
she doesn’t fight the sleep…
finally she can rest.

~2

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Anticipation

Looking into your eyes

They sparkle for me

Pixilated

Spelling my name over and over

Watching your lips move

No sound

Beating

My heart in my ears

Swimming

Light headed

Your smell intoxicating

Sweet taste on my tongue

Pressing our bodies close

A heat that warms past lives

Contentment

I am home

Touching your fingertips

Pulse tickles

If this was my last moment

I am with you

Hoping my feelings are reciprocated

Wishing for more time

Knowing that it is forbidden

Thinking of you… always.

~2

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Well I made it back from Oklahoma, and it’s like starting all over again with these damn stairs.  My mother is good at loading me and kids down with all kinds of junk, and damn I am feeling sooooooo fat (fatter).

I was going through some of my writing, and found an old post I did for the doodle a while back (www.thebluedoodle.com), and I thought it could help me out in these fat times.  Thanksgiving and Christmas is right around the corner… and I won’t even have all my Halloween candy eaten before that shit gets here. SO, I am pulling out my sure fire weightloss plan, and getting back into shape before that New Years party gets here, cause I want to flaunt less flab and more FLARE!!

2mara’s Weight loss Plan 

Being of the fairer sex, I am constantly trying some sort of diet to try to make my appearance more pleasing.  I have tried them all with the exception of that cabbage diet… bleah, to no avail.   

I have taken this and that diet pill, even tried the Hollywood Diet.  My problem is I love food.  If it didn’t taste so damn good of course I could lose weight.  I have said for some time, that if there was some sort of pill I could take that would make all food taste awful – that would be my only chance for a successful weight loss plan… until now. 

In a time of all Atkins, South beach, and a handful of other diets, I have brilliantly designed my own.  It may seem like another one of my “Get Rich Quick” ideas, but this diet actually works.  I have been practicing it for some time with great success. Who wouldn’t love to eat anything they want… no exceptions.  You want chocolate?  It’s not excluded from my diet.  You want ice cream for breakfast? Good… I love ice cream, and I can have it on my carefully created meal plan. 

I know, I know you are curious as to what I have to offer you.  You’re excited to learn my cure for this nasty disease known as fatty McFat-Fat. I know you are skeptical… “I can eat WHATEVER I want… WHENEVER I want it?”  My answer to you is… YES you can. 

You don’t have to follow a calculated approach of counting calories or fat grams.  You don’t have to measure serving sizes.  You don’t even have to follow the food pyramid. The only thing that is required is a full length mirror in which to view your results… toss the scale.  You don’t need it!   

So… are you ready to find out my secret approach to weight loss?  Are you ready to learn the tricks of having that thin, remarkable body you’ve always wanted? 

I am now going to share with you my secret of weight loss success… it is my proven patented formula.  Any time I feel the need to eat something, anything at all… all I have to do is remove all my clothing… step or sit in front of that full length mirror, and try to eat whatever it is I thought I wanted to begin with. 

Guaranteed to lose… 

~2 

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If I could spill the words to make you love me… I would

Onto the floor in front of you…

Up on to your bare feet and the ratted hem of your jeans.

If I could paint the picture of a perfect us… I would

Brilliantly colored and outlined in blood…

Sweat and tears caressing my canvas ever so softly.

If I could cup you face in my hands… I would

Covering it with soft kisses and nuzzling your nose…

Tasting your sweet lips and swallowing your tongue.

If I could hold you close… I would

A warmth that soothes my very soul…

My heart beating only for you.

~2

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I know I wrote the first part of this a while back ago, and believe me it hasn’t been far from my mind.  I am still going through boxes, and I actually found my jar yesterday… so I will do a draw later on.  Shit… I still haven’t written for the last one… or did I?

ANYway, where did I leave off? Oh yeah movers are gone, in bed with DH talking about how shitty the day was… and how could it get worse?

Tuesday, DH had to go in to work.. .they were having some sort of server problems while we were trying to deal with the movers and he was unable to go in… so he headed off, and I am left at my mother’s with kiddos.

I, of course, am going back and forth to the house trying to make it presentable… so maybe it will sell, and the boy is already going stir crazy and I am a wreck.  blah blah blah.. I withdraw him from school… get kiddos shot records, etc.

We go to dinner with friends, and I head back to mom’s while DH goes and helps another friend with their wireless and drinks a few beers… I needed the break.

We get up super early Wednesday to get on the road.. I of course get to drive the truck with BOTH kids, and it early so it’s not too bad… both are tired and kinda sleepy.  We set off on our trek.

We stop frequently and DH decides he wants Gabe to ride with him.. leaving me with Brynn… who hates her car seat.  I guess it’s good I handle it much better than he does.. and she cried herself to sleep more than a few times.  I think I will stick some photos in here from the drive.

She looks so peaceful when she’s sleeping.. you would never have thought the noises she made before she reached this serene place were imaginable.

We stopped Wednesday evening and stayed somewhere… crap I can’t even remember it.  This is the first time I have stayed in a hotel with kids… and it sucks.  I am used to rocking the baby to sleep and then laying her in her bed.  We brought along the play pen for her to sleep in, but she ended up just sleeping with us, because I couldn’t get her to sleep.

Thursday morning we get up, go get breakfast, and get back on the road.  There are so many cool places to stop on the way, too bad we didn’t.  I did get to stop close to the petrified forrest because Gabe needed to GO.  While the boys were in the bathroom, Brynn and I roamed around a bit, and I got some pics of her

We get to Phoenix around 3 I think, and we are staying in a hotel downtown across the street from where DH works.

He works Friday and I am in the hotel with kiddos all day.  Brynn is a screamer, and I really felt sorry for those staying in adjacent rooms. 

ANYway Saturday we sign our lease for our new apartment, and DH goes back to work.  Me and the kids run around spending money and getting our place ready to move in.

We are still in the hotel until Tuesday, but our stuff should arrive on Monday.  I go ahead and enroll Gabe in school… and we have an incident there… before I even get him fully enrolled… bad sign.

I have Brynn in the stroller so I don’t have to hold her in the office, so I can get the papers filled out as fast as possible.  So she is getting pissed and starts screaming… imagine that.  I ask Gabe, “Hey why don’t you take your sister out in front of the office and just stroll her back and forth?”  Easy task, right?

GEEZ, no.

Less than five minutes later a women comes in dragging him by the arm.. with my daughter in the stroller, and says that Gabe was pushing her out front, and dumped the whole thing over, and I should probably check her to make sure she is ok.

FUCK.. we haven’t even started school here yet, and already off on the wrong foot.

Monday the movers would be here and Gabe would be in school.. and all should be well with the world… whatEVER.

~2

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